Recently I was talking to a friend who didn't know me in high school and explaining to them that I graduated right after my junior year by taking the last two required classes in summer school. When the rest of the class I'd come through school with was having their senior year I was in my Freshman year of college. This didn't occur because I am exceptionally smart or anything. I did it because I'm incredibly impatient and as I'm discovering...very hard to satisfy.
When I was in high school I was ready to be in college. I wasn't totally unpopular, but I wasn't prom queen by any stretch of the imagination. I knew what I was giving up by skipping my senior year and I just didn't care enough to stick it out. Not to mention I would have had to take a bunch of study hall's or leave early and get a job...who wants that?
As I'm nearing my 31st birthday I'm realizing that this is a trend in my life. Nothing satisfies me very long. I'm always impatient to move on to something else. In some ways this is a good thing, in other ways it really sucks. It's good because when I know what I want I go after it with full force. It's really bad in almost every other way though. Sometimes going after something with all your effort backfires...especially in relationships as I have learned several times now. Relationships themselves can be hard to sustain because I'm so very specific in what I want and no one can live up to that. Those that can are usually the ones I've already scared off with the aforementioned effort to be with them.
It's very clearly why I have yet to find a career that satisfies me. I'm trying to finish a degree in English which I loved when I began and now I just find tedious. I really only love the books now and have no interest in the rest of it and want to move on to something else. Hobbies are the same way. Though with hobbies I find that I have too many of them that I enjoy and can't find the time for all of them, so I just give up...then promptly find a new one.
I'm starting to think that the best life for me would be one like the women on the Real Housewives shows. They're loaded and the people in their lives seem to indulge their every whim. I could get on board with that! But, they also seem really shallow and self-centered and I hope I'm not like that.
If you think about it, even this blog is an example of this problem. "High Maintenance Hippie? Hippies aren't high maintenance! I have tons of hippie tendencies but I'm too high maintenance in other areas to fully commit to being a hippie! I'm a mess!
Being hard to satisfy is a blessing and a curse. It's bad if you're always feeling unfulfilled, but you can use that restless feeling to motivate yourself to dive deeper into something that does satisfy you on the surface and may more if you embrace it at another level.
ReplyDeleteLike for instance, you like Weight Watchers and have decided that you're in for the long haul. I think your idea of trying to become a Weight Watchers leader is a great idea because you can put more energy into something that satisfies you while also helping other people!
Just trying to find the positive in the situation :)
P.S. I think you'd make a horrible wealthy man's housewife, haha :)
You're way too smart and energetic and caring to live that way and you'd feel totally unchallenged if everything material was given to you on a golden platter!