Friday, December 31, 2010

Welcome 2011!!

Well here we are in the last few hours of 2010. I used to hate New Year's Eve. I'm not sure why exactly, but I just dreaded it. Now, I love it! I couldn't ask for better dates in my two boys and honestly there is no one I would rather kiss at midnight than them. They're the most important people in my life and I see no better way to bring in a new year than with them. The past few years I've let them stay up until midnight and they've really enjoyed that. So we're home with some sparkling cider waiting for that ball to drop.

I ran/walked a 5K today for a local adult/child daycare center. I did this same race last year after being on Weight Watchers for just two months. So, I was at least 45 pounds heavier last year. I hadn't really trained again this year, but I could tell a huge difference in how much I was able to run. I did something strange to a muscle in my leg about halfway through or I think I would have done even better. I'm proud of myself either way because I finished it and I feel like it's a great way to send out 2010!

I haven't eaten very well today, but this is the last day of that and the place is pretty well cleaned out of junk anyway. I'm looking forward to making a fresh start with a much cleaner diet.

I have lots of things I'd like to accomplish in 2011 though I wouldn't say I'm making resolutions. My youngest son heard someone mention resolutions on TV the other day and he said, "Mommy we need a new year's revolution." Well, with any luck, we'll have a revolution in our little family. I'm not going to share what I'm working towards in the new year. I find people try to push you down or criticize you if they know what you're working toward, so I keep things to myself until I need help or until I'm far enough along that I feel like people will be supportive.

So I hope you are having a great New Year's Eve and that you are spending it in a way that is pleasing to you. I also hope that you have a fabulous 2011!!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

So Christmas Is Over...

Did everyone enjoy their holiday and time with friends and family? I had a nearly perfect day until the evening. The boys were great and so excited with what they received and I felt good because they were still happy even though I spent and bought a lot less than in years past. It's nice to know that I picked out things that they really like and that we don't just have a ton of junk that will sit around. The food was good, but I ate way too much. I plan to throw away a good bit of stuff today though. I feel horrible about wasting food but the boys won't eat it and I will and it's just not what I need to be doing right now. So, out it goes.

My evening was pretty rough. I have pretty severe anxiety issues and had recently stopped taking my medication because of the cost. My ex had planned a trip for the kids today and the area they were going was expecting some heavy snow. I came pretty close to a full meltdown about the idea of them traveling in the snow. But sometimes when things are feeling really bad you just need to reach out to those around you and you will find the support you need to get through it. I learned (not that I didn't know already) that I have some pretty amazing friends. I even found a source of inspiration for dealing with the feelings I have from a total stranger. For the first time someone expressed the guilt I feel over my anxiety and it was like a lightbulb came on in my head. I think the guilt of not feeling good when I'm in situations where I should feel great it was has been eating at me all of these years. For the first time, someone pointed it out to me and made me feel like it was OK to feel the feelings I have when I have them. Because of these people I woke up with a whole lot less dread and my children arrived safely at their destination this morning.

Now we are just a week away from the beginning of the new year. I have a lot of plans, a lot of hopes, and a lot of dreams and I must say that I'm really looking forward to it!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Looking Ahead and Being Thankful

So Christmas is almost here and I haven't written in forever. I wish I could say that my mood about the holidays has improved exponentially, but it hasn't. I has improved though. It's hard not to be happy when you see how excited your children are about the prospect of something great under the tree on Christmas morning. I've also enjoyed having them home with me during the day, even if they have driven me a little crazy.

But since Christmas is almost ready to pass us by, it's time to look toward 2011. I don't really make resolutions for the new year, but I do like to look at the year that has just passed and think about what was good and what I'd like to improve upon in the next year. 2010 was the year for me to finally get a handle on my weight and while I'm not totally there yet, I do feel like I'm on the right track. This past week has been a test, a test that I have failed, but it's taught be even more about my habits. I know that Weight Watchers will be permanent for me now. I've let myself lose control this week and it's been ugly. Tomorrow is my weigh in and I'm just hoping that my gain is less than five pounds. I'm not going to let it get me down though. I know what I did, and what the consequences will be. I also know that I've felt like total crap and that it wasn't worth it. So, I still have work to do, but I'm also still learning and I know 2011 will see the end of the last of my weight.

Another thing that I really have on my mind for 2011 is gratitude. In November a bunch of people on Facebook decided to post something they were grateful for each day. I participated and I found it to be a fun exercise. I was actually kind of sorry to see the month come to an end. Then the other day I was watching TV and saw a man who had written a thank you note every day for a year and he wrote a book about the experience and how wonderful it was. It made me start to think about how irritated I've been by people lately and how doing something like this might really help me find more good things in the world. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up with it, but I think I'm going to try. If anyone is interested, the book comes out on December 28th.

365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life

I've also realized that I need to trust my instincts a little more often. If I feel like I need to say something to someone, I'm going to say it. If I feel like something isn't quite right with a situation, then I'm going to do something about it. Ignoring my instincts has always led to trouble, and life is too short to keep things inside.

So, do you make resolutions? Anything you want in the coming year?