Sunday, January 16, 2011

Control Freak

I'm a control freak. Admitting it is half the battle right? I've always know this about myself though. I don't function very well when I'm not in control of the things in my life. I know a lot of this is due to my anxiety. When I can control what is going on, then I feel a lot less anxious. The problem is, there are a lot of other control freaks in my life as well. You can imagine how well things go when a bunch of control freaks get together. It isn't pretty.

I've been feeling mostly out of control lately. Nothing seems to be going the way it should and it's making my anxiety skyrocket. After spending most of the day feeling depressed and lost I made a decision that I hope I can stick with because I really think it will help. I have to stop trying to control every situation in my life. I have to focus on the most important things and leave some things open to turning out how they will turn out. I also need to take one thing at a time. Quite often I get bogged down by all of the things that aren't going well or need to be done, and forget that I can really only do one thing at a time.

I'm going to start with the one thing I have the most immediate control weight. I've not been doing very well since before Christmas and have gained some of the weight I lost back. I don't feel good and I'm not happy with myself for losing my focus. I should have been at my goal weight a long time ago now and it makes me a little mad at myself for being even farther away than I was. Getting to my goal will accomplish several other things that I've been stressing about lately and feeling unable to control. So I need to do this...for my sanity. Hopefully the rest of things will fall into place on their own or I'll find some way of making peace with them. I've just got to let go a little though.

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