Tuesday, February 1, 2011

How Do You Know?

There's a movie out now called "How Do You Know?" I haven't seen it, but I gather that the premise of the movie is how do you know if the person you're with is The One. So, how do you know?

I fell in love with my ex-husband the moment I laid eyes on him the first time. I was only 14 but I told my mother I would marry him one day and I did five years later. We dated from the time I was 16 until we married when I was 19. Sure, I was young, but I had no doubts about marrying him. We've been divorced for a long time now and while sometimes it's hard to remember that I once was in love with him, I know that I did love him and I still love him, just in a very different way. I can honestly say that I believed I "knew" he was The One...and apparently he wasn't.

But even though he wasn't someone that I found myself wanting to be with for the rest of my life, I still cherish the time we spent together and wouldn't change it even if I could. So, since something I was so sure about didn't work out the way I had expected I often wonder if you ever really know, or if it's just a crap shoot.

I had a joking discussion with a friend of mine this evening about being married the next time I saw him. He asked me if I could get married in such a short amount of time (I'll likely see him again in April) and I told him I thought I could. I worked with a man for a while who married his wife after dating for only six weeks. Then this evening a show came on where the couple had only known each other for three weeks before getting married.

Do they know any more than I did after years of dating my ex? Their marriages are still together (as far as I know) and mine is not. Can you over think a decision like marriage? How long do you have to know someone before you know it's right?

Sometimes I wonder if trusting your gut is better than trusting your brain.

1 comment:

  1. My sister is going to marry a guy she has dated for 4 (I think) years, through college, a move, and early post-college work & life, which I think are good ways to REALLY get to know someone. Their engagement is also almost a year long. They were up against some family objection early on (from both sides) because he's Muslim and she's not. I know her marriage will last because they've lived through a lot of various life situations together, already had a few "crisis situations" and really talked everything out and know what they want out of life.

    My step-sister recently married a guy that she had met about a year earlier at a friend's wedding, "instantly knew" she would eventually marry, dated long-distance for less than 6 months while he was in the coast guard and only saw him in person a few times before getting engaged, and had barely even kissed on the cheek before marrying. Seriously. I thought she was crazy because to me, she barely knew anything about him. He could've been a psycho in disguise for all we knew. However, she's super-conservative and super-devoted and I'm pretty confident she's going to make it work long-term even if it means a lot of sacrifice on her part. So far, it appears to be working out great and she's pregnant & happy, so maybe I'm wrong to be worried about their relationship.

    So, I've seen both perspectives and I can't say one is "right" or "wrong". Even though I really trust my intuition, I definitely wouldn't rush into marriage, though!