The events of today have got to be one of the most horrible things I could imagine happening in our country. I thought 9/11 was it, but to walk into a building and mow down kindergarten children whose little faces you are looking right at takes it to a level I can't even comprehend.
So I won't try. I am going to do everything I can to not read about it, watch it, or think about it. Not because I don't want to honor those poor lives lost, but because I can't even begin to know why or to process it. I'm afraid of even trying.
I don't mean to step on any religious toes, but this is my blog and that's why I'm posting it here and not somewhere else. If I had any shred of belief in the traditional Christian god left I don't anymore. I know horrible things happen to children every day, but this even just brought it to the front of my mind. Any "all powerful" being is useless if they do not intervene in cases like this. If you have the power to do anything at all...freaking do it! I hear people say that they believe they were led away from danger by a random series of events like oversleeping or missing a cab, and they claim it was a higher power protecting them. Well if a higher power could do that, then he sure as hell could have put an obstacle in the way of this supreme coward. Everything happens for a reason and is part of God's plan my ass. There's no reason for this, nothing to learn, just unbearable sorrow. I'm sorry if this offends my Christian friends, but it is just how I feel. There may be a god out there, but I can't believe in one that is all powerful and yet doesn't stop shit like this...even with free will taken into consideration. Any god that exists must have more limited power.
Mere moments after learning of this tragedy my local news reported that my oldest sons school was evacuated with no details as to why. I'm 20 minutes away from his school at my office and almost had a meltdown thinking the worst. It turned out to be a bomb threat written on the wall of the bathroom, but it put even more horrible thoughts into my head. But it also reminded me why I need to continue to focus on a minimal lifestyle. I would bet anything that every one of the loved ones of the people involved today would say that all they want is one more minute.
I'm sure that there are ways that I could work more jobs, make more money, buy more things. But the fact is, my job pays my bills, and my bosses allow me time to spend with my kids. I'd rather have that than a brand new car, a fancy house, or mounds of toys under the tree at Christmas. I won't trade the moments for the stuff and some day my kids will get that too...if they don't already.