9/11

It is the morning of September 11, 2011, ten years since a day that changed our country forever. There will be no talk of anything else today. My Facebook wall is covered with videos and comments about it. The question that prevails is "Do you remember where you were that day?" My answer is "Of course I do". For any American old enough to remember with any real understanding every detail is etched into our minds for as long as our minds hold out. As someone with an extreme anxiety issue, it consumed me for much longer than the one day.

But I'm not going to tell you were I was, or how I felt. I'm not going to watch media coverage of it, and I'm not going to post things on Facebook about it. I'm sure people will think that means I don't remember those who lost their lives, those who were left behind, and those who struggle every day with illness related to the recovery efforts. I'm sure it means I'm not patriotic or a good American.

That couldn't be further from the truth. I obsessed about that day for a very long time after it happened. I watched everything and read everything there was to watch about it. It was horrible and it impacted me deeply. But the truth is, I can't relive it every year. My heart aches for the victims. I have found myself thinking about them at totally random times ever since. But I just can't make it the whole focus of the month of September every year.

Call me what you will, but my heart is with all of those involved today. I don't fault anyone for remembering how they choose to remember. If that means posting videos, talking about it with friends, attending services, then that's great. Everyone deals in their own way. But for me, I have to live my life with the knowledge that many people's lives were lost that day. They cannot go on, but the rest of us can. The rest of us can hug our kids a little tighter, call our loved ones a little more, and focus on solutions to the world's problems that don't involve violence. So I'm going to live today for those who cannot. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I have a feeling all of the victims would be telling us to do just that.