This morning I received a phone call from a very dear friend of mine. He was calling to let me know that a member of his family had taken his own life. I didn't know the young man well, but I think the phone call was for the support he needed; which I of course tried to give him. I know very little about what led him to this choice, but I knew him as a funny, and outgoing young man in the prime of his life.
But while most people spent the day trying to figure out why this happened and what was going on in his mind, my own mind kept going to his mother. I can't begin to imagine the sheer agony she must be feeling and wonder how her own life will ever go on. I've never felt the kind of pain that would make me want to take my own life, but losing one of my children is the only thing I can thing of that would put me there and I hope I never have to experience it. I wish she wasn't experiencing it now and I wonder, as I'm sure she is now wondering, how could you prevent something like this?
How do I convince my young children that the bad things that happen to them now and later will not only not be the worst things that will happen to them, but they won't be the end of the world either. How can I make them see that there will be some times that are so wonderful that all of the bad stuff washes away? How do you make sure someone you love knows that they can come to you with anything and you will help them?
Things like this make every little thing I worry about seem silly. It makes me let the house go to pieces and give in to the extra treat. It also makes me realize that my current desire to find a way to be with my children as much as possible and to live a life that is enriching to all of us is more important than any "thing" I could ever want to buy. It's sad that tragedy changes our perspective...but it does and I guess that if anything good is to come out of a day like this then perhaps its a stronger focus on those we love.
Rest in peace Justin. You are already missed.