My TEDx Experience

I'm going to warn you before you even start reading...this post is going to be long!

You were warned. 

This past Friday I had the amazing experience of a TEDx event. If you have no idea what I'm talking about then, then you need to go (after reading this post of course) to the TED website and just spend the rest of the day watching TED talks. They're basically short talks, given by just about anyone you can think of, on whatever they have to say. A TEDx event is an independently organized TED event where the organizers can use their materials, branding, and show a certain number of archived TED talks. It's a way to spread the events around the world. TEDx events feature speakers who are local, or who were suggested by someone local. The event I attended was in a small city about an hour away from where I live. It was an all day event, and I can't even begin to express how amazing it was. 

When I first arrived, I was given my name badge, and directed to the swag table! 

I was given this awesome bag with the coffee mug, a water bottle, and some snacks! 

Then this beautiful stage, and awesome bad greeted us as we walked in and found a seat. The theater this event was held in was truly beautiful, and the stage design was awesome. 

This post will get insanely long if I go over all the speakers at the event. They were all really amazing, but I'll just go over my favorites, in no particular order, and you can see the rest on the TEDx Charlottesville website. 

First up was John Kluge, co-founder of a company called Toilet Hackers, and a rather well known name in the area. His family used to own a winery recently purchased by Donald Trump, and his name is on quite a few other things in the area. I think everyone locally just associates the Kluge name with money, but John is really doing some good stuff with his company. It's designed to bring sanitation options to countries where children die every day from diseases related to poor sanitation. He had a good message, and his company will be able to do some amazing stuff. 

Then there was Ralph Cohen, who is cofounder of the American Shakespeare Center. He gave a talk about how leaving the lights on during theater productions is of far greater benefit to the actors and audience than being in the dark all of the time. I've always wanted to go to see Shakespeare performed in this manner, and after his talk, I really have the itch. 

Dr. Joel Fuhrman was the speaker who caused me to purchase tickets to the event. I'm a huge fan of Dr. Fuhrman's work in nutritional science, and I've been wanting to hear him in person for a long time. I had the pleasure of unexpectedly getting to see him the night before this event, but he gave a great talk here as well. The results he has had with treating his patients with diet alone are truly amazing, and not to be ignored by anyone suffering from any disease. 

Deb Gottesman was the one speaker who made me cry. She was part of creating a production called My Soul Look Back and Wonder which took a group of women who had recently been released from drug treatment, jail, or other difficult circumstances, turned their stories into a play, and had them act it out at the Kennedy Center. It was a moving talk to say the least.

Then there was John Hunter. Before he spoke they played a short video about his World Peace Game, and talked to some of his fourth grade students about the game. After the video, they brought out three of those students who are now grown, and had them talk about what they game taught them. Then, Mr. Hunter came out and talked about what he learned from creating the game, and about being an educator. He met with a standing ovation, and for good reason. 

Here's a link to his book. World Peace and Other 4th-Grade Achievements

My two favorite speakers of the day both came from an open mic night held in Charlottesville where they were picked by the crowd. Darius Nabors, and educator, talked about his bucket list, and it was really entertaining. Denise Stewart talked about how to approach problems, and she had the crowd laughing the whole time.

And finally, Laura Mulligan Thomas and the Charlottesville High School Orchestra String Ensemble. They can only be heard to be believed.



So, those were the highlights of my TEDx experience. It was amazing, and I'm going to make sure to go to any of these events that I'm close to. If you have one in your area, GO! I promise you, it will be worth the price of admission.

The Things That Matter

I wasn't in the best mood this morning. I was irritated by how something was going in my life when I went to bed the night before, so I didn't sleep well. I was looking forward to some extra time with my kids later in the day because they were out of school, but upset that I was going to be missing time at work and that meant not getting paid.

Then my ex-husband called and told me that someone had passed away. One of the kids in my oldest son's grade at school had been battling Leukemia for a long time, and it finally took him in the early hours. I sat in my car outside my office and cried. 12-years-old....it just isn't fair. This is not how death is supposed to happen. It was all I could do to work the few hours I could be at work and get back to my kids.

I decided to take them to let my oldest spend his birthday money, then I donated blood, and decided to get them a pizza for dinner. One the way to get the pizza, I popped a tire. So the rest of the afternoon was spent dealing with that. I ended up spending $130 for a new tire. This has been a really tough month for me financially and that was not money I really could part with. But I did and my car is back on the road.

Ordinarily I probably would have gone home and gone into a funk for the rest of the evening. I did eat some ice cream, not going to lie. But, all I could really think was...we are all OK. I didn't wreck when the tire popped. No one was hurt. Yeah my wallet is lighter, yeah Christmas will be smaller...but we don't need a bunch of stuff anyway. While I'm thinking about what I can't buy my kids, another mother just down the road is thinking about burying her child.

A year ago I didn't have the money to fix that tire, and now I do. I used to tell my mom when we were struggling that the money always comes...and it does. Yes, there are lots of things about my life that I might change if I could, but the things that really matter are here and I have to start remembering those.

Does It Always Have to Be About Them?

I'm sitting in a busy coffee shop and it's impossible not to hear the conversations at the tables around me. There are a few people working away alone, but several tables that are groups of women. Hearing the snippets of what they're talking about it reminds me of another episode of Sex in the City when Miranda freaks out on the other women and screams "Christ, does it always have to be about them?". She was referring to the fact that they had spent all of their time together talking about the men in their life.

The women at these tables have been talking about the men in their lives since I sat down. Talking about who their dating, how it's going, who is getting married, and various other topics all surrounding the men they're involved with. I get it, we are women, and if we don't analyze every detail of our relationships then we just wouldn't be normal. It's the most popular topic when we get into groups. There's nothing wrong with it. We need to get those thoughts and feelings out. But, they don't sit around talking about us.

I have been thinking a lot about this lately because I have a lot of female friends who are going through some tough times in their relationships. In listening to the issues they're having and how they're feeling, it makes me think about how we are once we get involved with someone. Now, I'm speaking in generalities because I know that there are plenty of exceptions. But why do we always make it about them? The women sitting at these tables look to be college students, and the fact that I'm near campus leads me to believe that they are. So, that means they're doing all sorts of things now. Why aren't they talking about the classes they're taking, the work they're doing, and the plans they have for life?

It seems that when we love someone, we wrap ourselves up in every aspect of them. We often lose parts of ourselves to make room for those parts of them in the process. I'm not saying this is all bad. It's good to find common interests with the person you love. It's good to show love by showing interest in their life. But so often I see a huge discrepancy between the amount of things a woman adopts of her partners interests vs how many he adopts of hers. Now, I know plenty of couples who share a lot of common interests, so there is a much more even playing field. But I also know a ton that can't remember who they were before they got married and had kids. They can no longer separate their life from their husbands.

Some of this is just love, devotion, and the nature of women. But sometimes, it makes me really sad to see how much some of us give up and compromise. Why does it always have to be about them?

What Does Love Do?

Two things happened today that made me think about what it really means to love someone. What a person will do, and what they won't do to the person they love. I'm talking romantic love here, not the love we have for our children or other blood relatives, but the person whom we choose to be with.

I won't share the specifics of either so as to protect the privacy of those involved. But one was something someone said, and one was an act that I suspect was somewhat cultural, but appeared to have been the norm from my outside observers eye. Both made me hurt for the women involved. Now, it's very possible that neither woman actually felt any pain themselves because this might be acceptable to them.

But I have been thinking all day about both women, and all the women I know going through one thing or another in their own relationships. It's also made me think a lot about what I have accepted over the years in my own. What does love do to us? What does love do for us?

It's really the most amazing feeling in the world. To be in love is just fantastic. No relationship is perfect, we all have our fights, our things that we just learn to live with because while they may annoy us, they're certainly not deal breakers. But what makes us just take it when something isn't right? Even if it isn't something that we want to end the relationship over, why do we let it pass?

I guess those involved would say that it isn't that big of a deal or they would say something. Or that it's just the way that it's always been done. Or, they've learned to live with it. But, I know myself that these little things are sometimes bigger than we let on. That they eat away a little at a time at our soul. Maybe it stops with those little things, or maybe it grows into something worse. Maybe it impacts who we choose in our next relationship.

What keeps us from demanding better? Are we so scared of losing someone who loves us that we don't teach them a better way to treat us? What does love do for women that so many of us will give up part of who we are to keep it?

Caught Between Carrie Bradshaw and Minimalism

I'm a huge Sex and the City fan. I've seen every episode and both movies multiple times. It's certainly not the best TV I've ever watched, but I wanted to be Carrie Bradshaw (with kids). I've always wanted to be a writer and the idea of living in a cute little apartment writing when the inspiration struck me is what I think many writers dream about. Not to mention that she has amazingly loyal friends, and an amazing wardrobe. Her wardrobe! What girly girl wouldn't want her amazing shoe collection?

For a very long time, I did want her life. I wanted it altered to fit having children into there, but I wanted to find a way to be able to buy $300 shoes and still pay my rent all from writing. But then over the years I learned that I really don't want a closet so full that I never wear the same thing twice. I discovered Project 333 and decided to whittle down my closet to only what I actually wear. I was able to easily remove most of my clothes...but I kept all of my shoes. I don't even wear most of them anymore because the heels I love so much started damaging my feet. I just can't let them go though.

I buy most of my clothes at thrift stores or places like Old Navy. Nothing in my closet costs more than $10 except my running shoes. Even if I had the money, I'm not sure I could ever be someone who would spend $200 on a pair of jeans. In the first Sex and the City movie when Carrie finds the suit that she wants to marry Mr. Big in and reveals that it's a label-less thrift store find which she later pairs with Manolo's I realize that even if you're someone who wants to live a minimal life, you can still appreciate fine things. Sometimes it's better to buy the one more expensive thing that will last longer, than the multiple cheap versions of the same thing.

I'm probably always going to shop at thrift stores even if I some day find myself independently wealthy. But if given the opportunity, I'd wear a pair of Jimmy Choo's to the grocery store too.

The Hardest Job

There's nothing so gut wrenching as to have your child look at you and say "I just wish I had a friend to talk to". As a parent all you want to do is make this little life the best it can possibly be. You want to shield it from every bad thing, give it ever chance at it's hearts desire, and keep it from feeling any pain. So when your child looks at you and mirrors a feeling you've had yourself many times over, you would do anything to fix it.

My oldest son said that yesterday on our ride home from school after telling me he'd had a stressful day, and that having a good friend would have helped a lot. I had to try very hard not to cry while trying to talk him through this situation. Often I look at my kids and think that every quality that I don't like in myself I've sadly passed on to them. I've felt that they were dealt a poor hand in the genetic lotto of what they could have received from me.

The lack of friends, and the inability to make them is something I really hoped my kids wouldn't inherit. But sadly, one of them did. He's brilliant. Straight A's, miles ahead of his age in reading ability, athletic, funny....but a social mess just like his mother. The funny thing is, we aren't wallflowers. We will talk your ear off, and we've never met a stranger. We do pretty well in large groups even thought they make us nervous.

But one on one, or even small groups...forget it. We lack that part we need to fit in enough to form those tight bonds. I took a picture of him on "hat day". One day a year where they're allowed to wear a hat in school as part of spirit week. I'd venture that the majority of boys in his school opted for a baseball cap of their favorite team. My son sported a pink scarf, and grey fedora this day. I'm sure at lunch he sat with one group of kids, spent time with another in bad, and yet another at cross country practice later that day. But his best friend isn't in any of those things this year, so he never sees him. I did the same thing. I was the only girl who wore a cowboy hat and boots to school nearly every day. I sat with cheerleaders and the basketball team at lunch. I chatted about my favorite books with the other people who worked on our literary magazine, and I had one true friend. That was high school for me, and she lived on my street so we could see each other. My son's only in middle school. I blocked middle school out it was so awful.

I wanted to fit in and have a big group of friends. I wanted to be invited to parties, and have those big group pictures at the football games, homecoming dances, and weekend outings. I just didn't know how to be that person. I didn't know how to form those bonds with people, and I still don't. I still only have a few close friends, I almost never get asked to do anything, and when I do, I'm anxious about it.

So, I looked at him with my heart breaking for him not knowing at all what to tell him to do. If I'd been different in school, if I'd forced my way through those anxious feelings, if I'd conformed a little more to "normal" I might have those friends now. But, there are probably things I would have done in the process that I wouldn't have liked too.

I had no answers for him. It's a choice of changing some of who he is, to be less "weird" and more likable. Or staying who he is, and hoping more people come into his world that accept that. I lean toward the latter. But knowing what it still feels like after all these years, I had to give a small nudge for him to find someone with whom he shares something with, no matter how small, to forge a bond. I don't want him to change a thing about who he is, but I don't want him to miss out either.

It's the hardest job in the world.

Here I Am Again

Yes here I am again. I promised I'd update you on the new blog I was creating and I never did. I started a blog called Body By Emmy that is primarily devoted to my health and fitness goals. It's very specific so I wanted to separate it from the rest of what I was posting here in order not to bore everyone to tears. If you're interested in reading that one, you can join me there.

I'm back here because not everything I need to get out of my head fits that setting. But this post is sort of connected to that blog. When I started it, I dove into social media, branding, etc. Through all that everything I read talked about doing what you're passionate about. Obviously health and fitness are a huge passion of mine, and that's why I started that blog.

But some other things have happened or come to the surface recently that made me think about why I sort of gave up my true passion. One of my co-workers recently changed offices and when she did, she showed me the art that she creates. I was in awe of it as I am most art and told her how great I thought it was. She then asked me what my gift was. I told her my gift is being mediocre at a lot of things. She pressed further though and I told her that the only thing that I ever wanted to be was a writer. If I had other dreams as I child, I don't remember them. Technically that dream came true in a way, I am employed as a technical writer. The job doesn't allow for much creativity, but I really enjoy it. I like the people I work with, the environment, and while it can be boring, I like the writing.

But I can't say technical writing was my dream as a child. Poetry was probably my favorite. I wrote book after book of it, almost right up until I got married. Then I abruptly quit. My now ex-husband and marriage wasn't the reason I quit. Sadly, it was a college professor that put a halt to it. I'm not blaming her, what she said was true and harmless. But, sometimes certain words delivered by certain people just carry more weight. She was a published poet, and while I can't remember exactly what she said, I felt that everything I'd written was just trivial and meaningless.

More recently I was talking with someone about how much I share on Facebook. They commented that I share a lot more than they would. Again, I don't think it was meant to have the impact that it did, but coming from this person, it has made me aware of every thing I post now.

Those things and how they made me feel are by no means the fault of the person who said them. They had no way of knowing that I would take them so personally or attach such weight to them. I'm not one of those people who can let things slide. I wish I was, but most things stick with me for a while. Some never seem to leave.

All of that said, I can use those things as an excuse to never write again, or I can suck it up and pretend that they didn't bother me until they no longer do. Maybe my poetry is trivial. Maybe I do share more than I should. But it made me feel good when I did it...so I think I need to do more of that.