Putting the Positive Vibes Out There

Thanksgiving has come and gone! We had a great meal complete with Tofurky. It was amazingly yummy and my oldest went back for a second huge slice. He loved it! The youngest didn't try any of it because when we went to the orthodontist on Wednesday they decided to go ahead and put his braces on. So, he wasn't feeling like eating much but mashed potatoes. He didn't seem to mind it very much though and he thinks he looks very cool with his braces on. I guess that's the good part about them putting braces on when you're a lot younger, your ego hasn't kicked in yet.

Friday I braved the scale after a week of being really bad and not tracking a bit. I managed to only put on six tenths of a pound, so I wasn't too mad at myself. It isn't just the holiday that caused me to be bad. Weight Watchers is releasing their new program tomorrow and so I've been slacking in anticipation of that. The leader at the Friday meeting is a vegetarian and he said that I will probably be happier with the new plan. I'm very excited and really hope I can kick my butt into gear and lose the rest of this weight.

Tonight I was reminded that along with this new plan, I have to focus on things that I want to happen. It isn't just about following this program, it's about visualizing the outcome. A very dear friend of mine was given an unused ticket to an event that he has always wanted to attend. The person who gave it to him had not been able to go, and knew that my friend would love to have the ticket because of how neat it looked and what it was for. After the other person left, he looked at me and said "I have always wanted to go to this. I'm going to put this ticket where I can see it. It's been added to my list and because I'm putting it out there, I will get to go." And you know what? I know he will. He makes a list every year of things he wants to do in the coming year and he usually gets to do most of them. A lot of them are out of his means, or seem a little far-fetched, and yet, they still happen in some way. I know that when I do that, it works for me too. I just have to remember to do it, and to really make sure that's where my focus is. It's hard to do when you have a big mess like I do right now, but I know it works and I'm going to give it a valiant effort!

What a Day!

Today was a little wild. Nothing terribly exciting happened, but I got a wild hair the other day to be crafty and so I ran all over town looking for the things I needed. I spent a good bit of time between thrift stores and Goodwill. I guess I never noticed, but t-shirts are not as cheap as you would expect in Goodwill. My favorite thrift store has the ones that you get from donating blood or running in a race or something for $1.50, but they were $3.50 in Goodwill! I'm going to be cutting them up, so I really don't want to pay very much for them. I'm going to ask friends and family to pass theirs on to me if they plan to donate, but I guess I'll really be looking at yard sales this summer.

During my travels I was sitting at a top sign and this old style mini-van passed me with the words "We're Hung" written across the side windows. I was a little confused and hoping for more information. I got it when they turned the corner and I saw "We're Men" written on the other side. I have to assume they were feeling a bit less than real men driving in a mini-van...or at least that's what I hope they were thinking when they wrote that!

On another note, on the way to school this morning my oldest was telling me that the supervising teacher of his club at school was asking them about what they were going to have for Thanksgiving dinner. My son told them that we were having Tofurkey, mashed potatoes, and Weight Watchers pumpkin pie (that is accurate, but it's not all we're having). I assume she was being funny, but she told him she was sorry. That sort of irritated me a little. Why be sorry that he's not having an antibiotic laden bird who likely lived and died in a horrible manner and a pie that tastes just as good, if not better, than a regular pumpkin pie? Thanksgiving does have it's typical menu, but there's no reason you can't enjoy all of the good foods prepared in a better way. Not to mention that my kids get a meal with me and with their dad so it's not like they're missing out on anything. I asked him if he was upset that we weren't having things that were totally traditional and he said "No, I like it that we're different." That's my boy!

Almost Thanksgiving

It's been forever since I've written anything here and I'm sorry. Life has just been a little nuts and I'm the queen of procrastination. I honestly cannot believe that Thursday is Thanksgiving! I wish I could say that I am excited about it, but I'm really not. I don't enjoy the holidays and look forward to them being over. I've followed the trend of posting something I'm grateful for on Facebook ever day this month just to remind myself not to be in a total funk until January 2nd. There are a lot of reasons I don't enjoy the holidays, but I'm not going to get into all of them here and bring everyone else down. Let's just say that this year, I'm in an exception funk.

But, since Thanksgiving is coming, like it or not, I have to prepare a meal of some sort. We've never been big turkey eaters, so that's not something anyone cares too much about giving up due to my new vegetarian lifestyle. I only cook for myself, my mother and my kids so no one really gets to bothered about what we have. If they want some meat, I'll fix something, but if not, that's fine with me. The oldest has only requested mashed potatoes and gravy, and the youngest wants cheese burritos. I did by a Tofurkey today just because. I have no idea what it will taste like, but I think it's funny to say it, which is why I bought it. I bought vegan gravy too. This could be one interesting Thanksgiving feast.

I'm still kind of stuck around the same weight. These last few pounds are proving to be a bugger to get off and I'm hoping the release of the new WW plan will jump start me into getting them off. I go to my doctor in two weeks. I'm not looking forward to it (who ever does) because I don't have any insurance now, but I'm down about 30 pounds since the last time I saw him so he will likely be very pleased.

Ten Years Ago

I can't even believe that ten years has passed already, but ten years ago I was waking up to a day that would end with the moment that changed my life forever.

My day started out just like most had for the past few weeks. I had left my job to prepare for the birth of my first child, and was now three days overdue and feeling pretty miserable. It was a Friday and I had a doctor's appointment on Monday that I was certain I would make. At that point I truly thought he was planning to stay inside forever! After work my (then) husband and I decided to go out to dinner. We were sitting at a stoplight when I felt a contraction. I'd been having pretty intense Braxton-Hicks contractions, but these felt different. They were less intense and not painful, but different. I didn't say anything, but I noted the time. We got to the restaurant, sat down, and I felt another one. I asked him how long it had been since the time I had the first one and he told me fourteen minutes. He got all excited when I told him what I'd felt, but I wasn't convinced. All through dinner, every fourteen minutes, there would be another one. When we were finished we went to another restaurant that we liked to hang out at. A lot of our friends were there and everyone was keeping up with the timing. Around ten we decided we should head home. My mother was there and she told me I should make sure my bag was packed and I was ready to go.

I truly thought the contractions would stop, but I did what she suggested. I went home, showered, finished packing my bag and timed a few more contractions. By the time I was ready for bed, they were eight minutes apart, but not at all painful. I went to bed and fell asleep easily. At 1am I felt a very distinct pop and sat straight up in bed. My water had broken! I ran to the bathroom with my husband fast on my heels. We both started laughing and he asked me what we should do. I told him the contractions had stopped, but that since the doctor told us to come to the hospital when my water broke, I thought we should go. We made a few calls to family, got our stuff and were on the way. No one had warned me that once your water breaks, it doesn't always stop. By the time we got to the hospital I was totally soaked from the waist down. We walked into the ER and the nurse actually said "Can I help you?". Um, really, ya think? So I told her I was pretty sure my water had broken and they sent me up to labor and delivery.

I was shocked to learn that I was only two centimeters dilated at that point. The labor wasn't horribly long, but I didn't have any pain medication and with each contraction his heartbeat would drop so the nurses were constantly moving me around to more uncomfortable positions and wouldn't let me be where I wanted to be. By the time I got to eight centimeters (yes 8, and no drugs yet) the doctor came in and said he wanted to do a c-section. It was now October 21st and just so happened to be my father-in-laws birthday. When we first told him my due date he said I was going to have him on his birthday. Turned out, he was going to be right.

So off to the OR we went. A very kind nurse had me lean against her and told me that I would feel a slight prick and then I would start to go numb. She barely had the words out before my butt and legs were totally numb. Then they laid me down, got everything ready and brought my husband in to sit with me at my head. My anesthesiologist was really nice and had me laughing the whole time. He would also tell my ex when he should look at what was happening. I felt a slight tug here and there and within a few minutes he was out. I remember seeing him for the first time being held up by the doctor and thinking he had a lot of blond hair. Turns out that was my imagination and my lack of being able to wear glasses or contacts in the OR. I got to see his little face briefly before they took him away.

The rest of the day was kind of a blur. I remember being very shaky and not really wanting to hold him for fear of dropping him. He was a champion nurser which was great but he never would let me put him down or let the nurses keep him in the nursery for very long. After four (ugh) days in the hospital we were finally going home. I was totally freaked out! I couldn't believe that they were letting us take him home by ourselves!! But we all survived.



Happy 10th Birthday Baby Duck!

From the Driver's Mouth

I had an occasion to be in a small group of people Saturday night. In this group there was a man whom I had not met before but found rather easy to talk to. Over the course of the conversation it came out that I'm a vegetarian. I can't remember the way it all came out, but he responded that he was a driver for one of our local poultry plants, but that he did not eat the birds himself. I asked him if he drove chickens or turkeys and learned that he hauls turkeys. I couldn't resist and had to ask him if his job was the reason that he didn't eat turkey. He told me that he wasn't a big turkey eater before taking this job, but he didn't eat them at all now. I of course wanted to know why and he said something along the lines of "If you've seen what I have, you wouldn't be able to eat them". I haven't seen what he has, only heard about it, and I can't eat them. I can't even begin to imagine what he has seen...nor do I want to.

But if this doesn't tell us something about the conditions of the meat processing facilities in our country then what will? And at what point will those who work at these places stand up and say something? I understand that in this economy you can't jeopardize your job, but there are lots of ways to report things anonymously. If things are so bad that it changes how you eat, what else should you be doing?

Bye Bye Fat!

Today is my one year anniversary on Weight Watchers. Yes, for one year I have been counting points and doing weekly meetings and weigh-in's. I had hopes of reaching goal by one year but as the date approached I saw that wasn't going to happen and looked for a new goal. I realized I was very close to the fifty pound mark so that became my goal. Lose fifty pounds in one year.

I was a very good girl this week, only eating a few things off my normal routine and managed to lose 2.6 pounds for a total of 51 pounds!!! That means I averaged almost one pound a week for the entire year. I'm not going to talk about how easy it was or how I never struggled because none of that is true. I made my poor leader work for her money. I had weeks where I would gain and lose the same pound over and over. I had weeks of no loss and weeks of unexplained gains. But as my leader kept reminding me, it's really about averages. She was totally right!

I have about seven pounds left before I hit my goal at Weight Watchers and about ten more after that to hit my personal goal. I can honestly say that this is a lifestyle for me now. I will probably always have to count points and that's fine with me. Food can be an addiction just like any other substance, except you have to have food to live. Weight Watchers gives you the tools to manage food in such a way where you never feel like you are missing out on anything. I know I sound like a commercial, but everything I'm saying is true.

When I joined one year ago I weighed 211 pounds. That was more than I weighed the day I went into the hospital to give birth to my oldest child! I always thought I carried the weight well and didn't look as big as I was. I am also pretty healthy, so I told myself that if my weight ever started to impact my health I would do something about it. This was really stupid considering that our weight always impacts our health even if the outward signs are not currently visible. But, it's what I told myself. So, when I started getting horrible heartburn and the doctor suggested a medication I realized I was done. I refused to go on a medication for something I could do something about and joined Weight Watchers instead.

I didn't tell many people at first. I didn't want people judging what I was putting into my mouth or shaking their head when they realized I'd failed at yet another diet. But, when the weight started coming off and people started asking, I had to come clean. Since then several other people I know have joined and are losing. It's great to see others getting healthy in a way that I know will change their lives.

So, bye bye 51 pounds of fat and hello new me! Don't worry, you'll hear me scream when I hit my goal weight!

Forever Behind

I feel like I'm always behind. It doesn't matter how hard I work at things, something is always left undone and/or late. Right now I'm behind in two of my three classes. One only slightly and the other horribly. I will get caught up on the work, but then in a few days I'll be behind again for some reason. I'm always behind in cleaning and laundry. I am behind on work, and behind (as in haven't done a damn thing) for another blog I'm supposed to be writing for, and really want to write for.

I do waste a fair amount of time on the wonderful world of Facebook, but honestly I don't think cutting that out would get me any less behind. At least when I'm on the computer I usually have several tabs going at the same time and often one of them is work or school. I don't know what my problem is. I am a big procrastinator, but that's only on stuff I really hate and there isn't too much of that. I can't imagine how much of a mess I would be if I still held a real job and had my kids full time. There's really no good excuse for why things are so out of control. I guess it's just one of my many flaws.

Things have been stressful in my life the past few days. I have a habit of things going really really well for a while and then something happens and it all goes to shit in a second. I figure this is likely my fault too and that's why I call it a habit. I'm the common denominator. So, I've been in kind of a crappy mood the past few days. I also haven't been eating well and the stress has caused me to lose almost four pounds. That's the good news though. I'm trying to hit that 50 pound mark before my one year Weight Watchers anniversary and it looks like I might do it. It's not the best way to get the weight off, but I'll take it if I'm going through the stress anyway.