I lost weight for myself and my children. I was unhealthy due to the excess weight and I wanted to set a better example for my kids. Those were my main goals. However, it would be a lie to say that I didn't also do it because I wanted to look better. There aren't too many people who don't want to be able to look good and feel attractive to the people they are interested in. Those who say that don't are probably lying. I only know a handful of women who are truly 100% happy in their own skin. I think that's fabulous and I hope to find that in myself before I die.
If there's one thing I've noticed since losing weight it's that looks sadly do matter. I recently read an article about overweight women earning less than overweight men. This doesn't shock me. But I have to admit that it's interesting to observe these types of things in person. I've always been a little slow to recognize when a guy was hitting on me and things of that nature, so it took me a while to notice the difference in the treatment I receive as a thin person versus when I was heavy.
But I've started to notice...a lot. I've lived here my whole life. I shop in the same places and interact with the same people on a regular basis. It's amazing how many people looked straight through me when I was heavy and jump to help me now that I've lost weight. It's not like I've changed much else. I've always tried to look my best, smell good, and I'm pretty outgoing. The difference in my treatment is very obvious and while it is flattering sometimes, it's also disturbing. It's hard to tell your children that looks don't matter when it's so obvious that they do.
I wish I had some magic solution to this issue. I want my kids to know that their value is not in how they look, but who they are. But at the same time, I know I think about how I present myself to the world and I know that I take advantage of the benefits that my new appearance brings me. People can say that looks don't matter...but they do, and I'm just not sure how I feel about that.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
The Meat Market
Interesting title given my vegetarian lifestyle no? Well I'm speaking of the dating scene...not an actual meat market. I was in a bit of a funk last night and a friend suggested we go dancing...so we went! We had a blast, but the bar scene is such a funny place to be. It's fascinating to watch men and women interact in such an unnatural environment. I've known people who have met in bars and been very happy, but they're rare. I mean, in what world does it make sense to try to start a relationship in a dark crowded room where you have to scream at each other and chances are you are heavily intoxicated?
Though are you any more likely to meet someone in a more normal setting that is a better fit. I've heard two very funny dating stories in the past few days from people who met their date in a much better situation and still ended up left with that WTF feeling! It's amazing that people ever end up finding someone to settle down with. Then once they do....well that's a whole different post.
I do want that one person to be with forever and so I keep going. But I'm starting to understand the wisdom of a couple of my male friends who suggest that it's all so unnatural and that's why we have so much trouble. If nothing else, there are a lot of funny stories to come out of the process.
Though are you any more likely to meet someone in a more normal setting that is a better fit. I've heard two very funny dating stories in the past few days from people who met their date in a much better situation and still ended up left with that WTF feeling! It's amazing that people ever end up finding someone to settle down with. Then once they do....well that's a whole different post.
I do want that one person to be with forever and so I keep going. But I'm starting to understand the wisdom of a couple of my male friends who suggest that it's all so unnatural and that's why we have so much trouble. If nothing else, there are a lot of funny stories to come out of the process.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
30 Day Shred
You may have heard of the 30 Day Shred workout DVD, but if you haven't you've likely heard Jillian Michaels who is the trainer in the video. I purchased this DVD well over a year ago when I was at least forty pounds heavier than I am now. I made it through about five minutes of the workout before I was ready to die the first time I tried to do it. I never pulled it out again.
Now almost sixty pounds lighter I've put it back in the DVD player. I friend of mine posted on Facebook looking for someone to do it with her to keep her motivated. She'd done it a while back with great results and wanted to try it again. Since I knew there was no way I'd do it without someone holding me accountable so I agreed as did a few other ladies.
I meant to start writing about it on day one, but kept forgetting. So, now it is day three and I promise that without these other women pushing me to check in every day there is NO way I would have done it after the first day. But it's day three and while every inch of my body is sore I plan to keep going.
I really hope it's worth it!
Now almost sixty pounds lighter I've put it back in the DVD player. I friend of mine posted on Facebook looking for someone to do it with her to keep her motivated. She'd done it a while back with great results and wanted to try it again. Since I knew there was no way I'd do it without someone holding me accountable so I agreed as did a few other ladies.
I meant to start writing about it on day one, but kept forgetting. So, now it is day three and I promise that without these other women pushing me to check in every day there is NO way I would have done it after the first day. But it's day three and while every inch of my body is sore I plan to keep going.
I really hope it's worth it!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
He's Dead
Instead of being sound asleep like I should be given how nuts my day will be tomorrow I sit awake waiting to hear from the President about the death of Bin Laden.
This isn't something I ever thought I'd hear. I mean, I assumed he'd die, but I suspected it would be from illness or age, not that we'd actually kill him. But it has happened. And I feel kind of weird about it all.
I remember the events of 9/11 like it happened yesterday. I was awake with my first son and for weeks to follow I watched everything I could about the event. I obsessed about it. I wondered what it would be for the beautiful little baby in my arms that might have to live in terror like children in other countries. It terrified me.
So now what? His death doesn't change the fact that many people hate our country and still want to carry on his mission. But do I feel a little safer? Maybe. People who follow men like Bin Laden quite often do not have the ability to carry on the mission when the figurehead of that mission is gone. It's why men like Bin Laden, Saddam and Hitler end up with followers...they have the ability to brainwash people who are already on the border of mental stability. But then when the brainwasher is gone they go looking for something else and abandon the mission of the person they were following. I could be wrong though. There could be unbelievable backlash that makes us wish he'd never been killed. I suspect the former though.
I have some mixed emotions though. I believe this man deserved to die and die in a most horrible manner. I'm glad that the families of the victims have this closure. But I'm a pacifist and I don't relish violence of any kind. So part of me feels just a little sick for being really really happy this man is dead and hoping he suffered.
Oh and I still like the President. He pretty much rocks.
This isn't something I ever thought I'd hear. I mean, I assumed he'd die, but I suspected it would be from illness or age, not that we'd actually kill him. But it has happened. And I feel kind of weird about it all.
I remember the events of 9/11 like it happened yesterday. I was awake with my first son and for weeks to follow I watched everything I could about the event. I obsessed about it. I wondered what it would be for the beautiful little baby in my arms that might have to live in terror like children in other countries. It terrified me.
So now what? His death doesn't change the fact that many people hate our country and still want to carry on his mission. But do I feel a little safer? Maybe. People who follow men like Bin Laden quite often do not have the ability to carry on the mission when the figurehead of that mission is gone. It's why men like Bin Laden, Saddam and Hitler end up with followers...they have the ability to brainwash people who are already on the border of mental stability. But then when the brainwasher is gone they go looking for something else and abandon the mission of the person they were following. I could be wrong though. There could be unbelievable backlash that makes us wish he'd never been killed. I suspect the former though.
I have some mixed emotions though. I believe this man deserved to die and die in a most horrible manner. I'm glad that the families of the victims have this closure. But I'm a pacifist and I don't relish violence of any kind. So part of me feels just a little sick for being really really happy this man is dead and hoping he suffered.
Oh and I still like the President. He pretty much rocks.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
It's All About Me?!
This is a subject I've been thinking about for about a week now and I felt the need to write about it. Last weeks topic at Weight Watchers was about making yourself a priority during your weight loss journey. Our leader asked us how we accomplish this and how we are able to give ourselves permission to carve out the time to attend meetings and spend the money on the program. I suppose that there are some people out there who think that it's absurd not to do things like that for yourself, but I think most women struggle with this at some point in their lives. Men may as well, but I can only speak from my perspective.
Women, especially mothers, are sort of trained (or perhaps even born) with the desire to take care of everyone else in our lives and put our own needs aside. I've been in this position myself for much of my life. At the end of our meeting I thought every woman in the room was feeling the way I do about this subject, but our leader went around the room asking us all to say "It's all about me!" The idea, of course, was to sort of empower us to make ourselves a priority in our own lives. She even used the analogy of putting on the oxygen mask on a plane before assisting others. But to my shock (and I believe hers as well) two women refused to say it. Instead they said their family was first.
Then this evening another friend posted a quote from a woman who was commenting on the idea of the "hot mom" trend going on right now and how women need to give their children role models and not supermodels. That from conception they needed to put the needs of their child ahead of their desire to look good. Now, I know my friend was posting it as sort of food for thought...and it did get me thinking.
My children mean more to me than anything else on this planet. I would do anything to make their live as wonderful as possible. If I have extra money, it gets spent on something for them before something for myself every time. When they were babies and toddlers their needs were all I thought about and I let myself go as a result. I felt guilty even considering doing things for myself and I neglected my health, my appearance and my own interests and needs.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that because I now share custody of them with my ex-husband and so I have more free time than some parents or what, but the reality that one day they will not need me to the extent they do now has hit home. Between that and the way I felt with all of the extra weight has really made me question to what extent our neglect of ourselves is impacting our children. The saying "if mama ain't happy..." really is true! If you wake up feeling miserable, fat and frumpy are you the best mother you can be for your children? There is a line between being a supermodel and just feeling good about ourselves.
When I was overweight I was not as good of a mother as I am now. I couldn't play with them the way I can now, I could read to them without feeling out of breath and I was always so worn out on field trips. I had no confidence so I didn't like to volunteer to help with things at school or take them to activities. I don't have any of those issues now. By taking the time each week for myself to attend these meetings and lose the weight I have improved my life and the lives of my kids.
As for the "hot mom" trend....well that's sort of subjective. I do know that there are women who focus so much on their own lives and appearance that they neglect their children or rely on someone else to raise them. This isn't good for the kids. But "hot" is different for everyone. If you are a mom and you feel like you look good then you can be the "hot mom". It doesn't mean you have to get manicures and wear tons of makeup. You get to decide where you feel good, but the point is, you have to feel good! Mothers do the hardest job in the world, don't you think you owe yourself an hour or two a week to do things that are just for you and make you feel good? Don't you deserve a bit of the money for healthy food and maybe some new clothes that make you feel sexy?
You are the only person who can control your happiness and if you are happy then those in your life will be happier as well. No one else is going to do this for you. It really is ALL ABOUT YOU!
Women, especially mothers, are sort of trained (or perhaps even born) with the desire to take care of everyone else in our lives and put our own needs aside. I've been in this position myself for much of my life. At the end of our meeting I thought every woman in the room was feeling the way I do about this subject, but our leader went around the room asking us all to say "It's all about me!" The idea, of course, was to sort of empower us to make ourselves a priority in our own lives. She even used the analogy of putting on the oxygen mask on a plane before assisting others. But to my shock (and I believe hers as well) two women refused to say it. Instead they said their family was first.
Then this evening another friend posted a quote from a woman who was commenting on the idea of the "hot mom" trend going on right now and how women need to give their children role models and not supermodels. That from conception they needed to put the needs of their child ahead of their desire to look good. Now, I know my friend was posting it as sort of food for thought...and it did get me thinking.
My children mean more to me than anything else on this planet. I would do anything to make their live as wonderful as possible. If I have extra money, it gets spent on something for them before something for myself every time. When they were babies and toddlers their needs were all I thought about and I let myself go as a result. I felt guilty even considering doing things for myself and I neglected my health, my appearance and my own interests and needs.
I'm not sure if it's the fact that because I now share custody of them with my ex-husband and so I have more free time than some parents or what, but the reality that one day they will not need me to the extent they do now has hit home. Between that and the way I felt with all of the extra weight has really made me question to what extent our neglect of ourselves is impacting our children. The saying "if mama ain't happy..." really is true! If you wake up feeling miserable, fat and frumpy are you the best mother you can be for your children? There is a line between being a supermodel and just feeling good about ourselves.
When I was overweight I was not as good of a mother as I am now. I couldn't play with them the way I can now, I could read to them without feeling out of breath and I was always so worn out on field trips. I had no confidence so I didn't like to volunteer to help with things at school or take them to activities. I don't have any of those issues now. By taking the time each week for myself to attend these meetings and lose the weight I have improved my life and the lives of my kids.
As for the "hot mom" trend....well that's sort of subjective. I do know that there are women who focus so much on their own lives and appearance that they neglect their children or rely on someone else to raise them. This isn't good for the kids. But "hot" is different for everyone. If you are a mom and you feel like you look good then you can be the "hot mom". It doesn't mean you have to get manicures and wear tons of makeup. You get to decide where you feel good, but the point is, you have to feel good! Mothers do the hardest job in the world, don't you think you owe yourself an hour or two a week to do things that are just for you and make you feel good? Don't you deserve a bit of the money for healthy food and maybe some new clothes that make you feel sexy?
You are the only person who can control your happiness and if you are happy then those in your life will be happier as well. No one else is going to do this for you. It really is ALL ABOUT YOU!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I'm a Hopeless Romantic....Really!
I've always considered myself a hopeless romantic. I love cheesy movies where the lovers end up together and live happily ever after. I love reading about engagements and weddings and hearing about how people found true love. My favorite book and movie is Gone With the Wind and while I suppose some wouldn't consider that a movie with a lovey dovey ending; Rhett's love for Scarlett is so strong that it just gets to me every time I watch the movie. My second favorite book is Jane Eyre and my second favorite move is Love Actually...so you're catching the theme here.
However, I've started to notice that whenever I'm in a situation where I'm talking to a friend about their relationship and it isn't going well I'm always on the side of "dump the jerk". It happened to me again today and it made me think about my position on love. Then I came home to read an engagement story that made me want to tell the bride to be that I had done the same thing she did and ended up divorced so maybe she should think it through. So is it possible that I'm not as much of a romantic as I think?
Nah! Despite one of my friends best efforts to convince me that dating is pointless and monogamy is a sham, I still believe in it. But, my instinct to tell friends to get out of relationships that aren't working comes from being in relationships that didn't work and watching other people waste their lives being miserable just to keep from rocking the boat or disrupting other people's lives. I'm realistic, I know that you cannot get everything you need in life from one person. I also know that relationships take a lot of work and they have their bad moments. But, if you sit down with a piece of paper and list the bad and the good and the good side is a whole lot smaller and really only has things on it that you could do for yourself, then is it worth hanging in? I'm an advocate of counseling and trying to work things out for sure, but how long do you do that? I believe that the person you're with should mostly make your life better by being in it and that you would be the same type of person for them. If that isn't the case, then it's not right.
I don't know if there is that one person for all of us, or if we really aren't supposed to be monogamous. I'm not religious so I'm not worried about the fire and brimstone implications of it all. I just know that we pass this way once and we deserve to live a good life. If we are miserable then those around us will eventually be as well and that doesn't help the world at all.
So I still think I'm a hopeless romantic and I do believe in the fairytale endings. But I also believe that everyone's fairytale is a little different and we have to find what works for us. I still believe that there is a man out there who will love me the way that Rhett loved Scarlett. I just hope I'm not to stupid to notice.
P.S. - I HATED The Notebook....think what you will ;)
However, I've started to notice that whenever I'm in a situation where I'm talking to a friend about their relationship and it isn't going well I'm always on the side of "dump the jerk". It happened to me again today and it made me think about my position on love. Then I came home to read an engagement story that made me want to tell the bride to be that I had done the same thing she did and ended up divorced so maybe she should think it through. So is it possible that I'm not as much of a romantic as I think?
Nah! Despite one of my friends best efforts to convince me that dating is pointless and monogamy is a sham, I still believe in it. But, my instinct to tell friends to get out of relationships that aren't working comes from being in relationships that didn't work and watching other people waste their lives being miserable just to keep from rocking the boat or disrupting other people's lives. I'm realistic, I know that you cannot get everything you need in life from one person. I also know that relationships take a lot of work and they have their bad moments. But, if you sit down with a piece of paper and list the bad and the good and the good side is a whole lot smaller and really only has things on it that you could do for yourself, then is it worth hanging in? I'm an advocate of counseling and trying to work things out for sure, but how long do you do that? I believe that the person you're with should mostly make your life better by being in it and that you would be the same type of person for them. If that isn't the case, then it's not right.
I don't know if there is that one person for all of us, or if we really aren't supposed to be monogamous. I'm not religious so I'm not worried about the fire and brimstone implications of it all. I just know that we pass this way once and we deserve to live a good life. If we are miserable then those around us will eventually be as well and that doesn't help the world at all.
So I still think I'm a hopeless romantic and I do believe in the fairytale endings. But I also believe that everyone's fairytale is a little different and we have to find what works for us. I still believe that there is a man out there who will love me the way that Rhett loved Scarlett. I just hope I'm not to stupid to notice.
P.S. - I HATED The Notebook....think what you will ;)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Lifetime!!
I can't believe it has been nearly a month since I wrote here. I'm very sorry to all five of my readers ;)
Today was a big deal for me. I made Lifetime status at Weight Watchers!!!!!! If you are not familiar with that term what it means is that I have stayed within two pounds of my goal weight for six weeks. It also means you no longer have to pay to attend meetings as long as you keep maintaining. A lot of us (myself included) look forward to no longer paying to attend meetings, especially if we've been at it a while. But we'd be lying if we didn't also admit that it is a huge accomplishment that not a lot of people achieve or stay at. That doesn't mean Weight Watchers is ineffective at getting people to that point. It just means that it's hard!
A lot of people who come to WW have been there before and gained some or all of their weight back. Some make it to goal but can't maintain it and while they're still Lifetime members, they have to resume paying until they get back on track. I think it's an aptly named designation because WW is not a diet. It's something you do for a Lifetime! It's also something that a lot of people realize they cannot do on their own no matter how well they know the program. A member in the meeting I attended today had just got back to not having to pay again. She mentioned how she believed she could do it without support and without really following the things she'd been taught and the weight began to creep back on.
I think some people just starting out or who are considering joining might not like the idea of always needing to be in the meetings or following the plan. I guess I understand that. I certainly don't love tracking and there are other things I could do with the time I spend in the meetings. But, the truth is, those meetings have helped me so much and the friendships I've made there are invaluable to me and I know myself and I know I won't keep the weight off if I don't have the accountability. I think the majority of people who need WW are food addicts and we have to eat so there is no getting away from it. You wouldn't tell a drug addict or an alcoholic to quit getting support, so getting support for this is not a bad thing and it's something we should look at as a gift to ourselves.
Today was a big deal for me. I made Lifetime status at Weight Watchers!!!!!! If you are not familiar with that term what it means is that I have stayed within two pounds of my goal weight for six weeks. It also means you no longer have to pay to attend meetings as long as you keep maintaining. A lot of us (myself included) look forward to no longer paying to attend meetings, especially if we've been at it a while. But we'd be lying if we didn't also admit that it is a huge accomplishment that not a lot of people achieve or stay at. That doesn't mean Weight Watchers is ineffective at getting people to that point. It just means that it's hard!
A lot of people who come to WW have been there before and gained some or all of their weight back. Some make it to goal but can't maintain it and while they're still Lifetime members, they have to resume paying until they get back on track. I think it's an aptly named designation because WW is not a diet. It's something you do for a Lifetime! It's also something that a lot of people realize they cannot do on their own no matter how well they know the program. A member in the meeting I attended today had just got back to not having to pay again. She mentioned how she believed she could do it without support and without really following the things she'd been taught and the weight began to creep back on.
I think some people just starting out or who are considering joining might not like the idea of always needing to be in the meetings or following the plan. I guess I understand that. I certainly don't love tracking and there are other things I could do with the time I spend in the meetings. But, the truth is, those meetings have helped me so much and the friendships I've made there are invaluable to me and I know myself and I know I won't keep the weight off if I don't have the accountability. I think the majority of people who need WW are food addicts and we have to eat so there is no getting away from it. You wouldn't tell a drug addict or an alcoholic to quit getting support, so getting support for this is not a bad thing and it's something we should look at as a gift to ourselves.
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