Welcome 2011!!

Well here we are in the last few hours of 2010. I used to hate New Year's Eve. I'm not sure why exactly, but I just dreaded it. Now, I love it! I couldn't ask for better dates in my two boys and honestly there is no one I would rather kiss at midnight than them. They're the most important people in my life and I see no better way to bring in a new year than with them. The past few years I've let them stay up until midnight and they've really enjoyed that. So we're home with some sparkling cider waiting for that ball to drop.

I ran/walked a 5K today for a local adult/child daycare center. I did this same race last year after being on Weight Watchers for just two months. So, I was at least 45 pounds heavier last year. I hadn't really trained again this year, but I could tell a huge difference in how much I was able to run. I did something strange to a muscle in my leg about halfway through or I think I would have done even better. I'm proud of myself either way because I finished it and I feel like it's a great way to send out 2010!

I haven't eaten very well today, but this is the last day of that and the place is pretty well cleaned out of junk anyway. I'm looking forward to making a fresh start with a much cleaner diet.

I have lots of things I'd like to accomplish in 2011 though I wouldn't say I'm making resolutions. My youngest son heard someone mention resolutions on TV the other day and he said, "Mommy we need a new year's revolution." Well, with any luck, we'll have a revolution in our little family. I'm not going to share what I'm working towards in the new year. I find people try to push you down or criticize you if they know what you're working toward, so I keep things to myself until I need help or until I'm far enough along that I feel like people will be supportive.

So I hope you are having a great New Year's Eve and that you are spending it in a way that is pleasing to you. I also hope that you have a fabulous 2011!!

So Christmas Is Over...

Did everyone enjoy their holiday and time with friends and family? I had a nearly perfect day until the evening. The boys were great and so excited with what they received and I felt good because they were still happy even though I spent and bought a lot less than in years past. It's nice to know that I picked out things that they really like and that we don't just have a ton of junk that will sit around. The food was good, but I ate way too much. I plan to throw away a good bit of stuff today though. I feel horrible about wasting food but the boys won't eat it and I will and it's just not what I need to be doing right now. So, out it goes.

My evening was pretty rough. I have pretty severe anxiety issues and had recently stopped taking my medication because of the cost. My ex had planned a trip for the kids today and the area they were going was expecting some heavy snow. I came pretty close to a full meltdown about the idea of them traveling in the snow. But sometimes when things are feeling really bad you just need to reach out to those around you and you will find the support you need to get through it. I learned (not that I didn't know already) that I have some pretty amazing friends. I even found a source of inspiration for dealing with the feelings I have from a total stranger. For the first time someone expressed the guilt I feel over my anxiety and it was like a lightbulb came on in my head. I think the guilt of not feeling good when I'm in situations where I should feel great it was has been eating at me all of these years. For the first time, someone pointed it out to me and made me feel like it was OK to feel the feelings I have when I have them. Because of these people I woke up with a whole lot less dread and my children arrived safely at their destination this morning.

Now we are just a week away from the beginning of the new year. I have a lot of plans, a lot of hopes, and a lot of dreams and I must say that I'm really looking forward to it!

Looking Ahead and Being Thankful

So Christmas is almost here and I haven't written in forever. I wish I could say that my mood about the holidays has improved exponentially, but it hasn't. I has improved though. It's hard not to be happy when you see how excited your children are about the prospect of something great under the tree on Christmas morning. I've also enjoyed having them home with me during the day, even if they have driven me a little crazy.

But since Christmas is almost ready to pass us by, it's time to look toward 2011. I don't really make resolutions for the new year, but I do like to look at the year that has just passed and think about what was good and what I'd like to improve upon in the next year. 2010 was the year for me to finally get a handle on my weight and while I'm not totally there yet, I do feel like I'm on the right track. This past week has been a test, a test that I have failed, but it's taught be even more about my habits. I know that Weight Watchers will be permanent for me now. I've let myself lose control this week and it's been ugly. Tomorrow is my weigh in and I'm just hoping that my gain is less than five pounds. I'm not going to let it get me down though. I know what I did, and what the consequences will be. I also know that I've felt like total crap and that it wasn't worth it. So, I still have work to do, but I'm also still learning and I know 2011 will see the end of the last of my weight.

Another thing that I really have on my mind for 2011 is gratitude. In November a bunch of people on Facebook decided to post something they were grateful for each day. I participated and I found it to be a fun exercise. I was actually kind of sorry to see the month come to an end. Then the other day I was watching TV and saw a man who had written a thank you note every day for a year and he wrote a book about the experience and how wonderful it was. It made me start to think about how irritated I've been by people lately and how doing something like this might really help me find more good things in the world. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up with it, but I think I'm going to try. If anyone is interested, the book comes out on December 28th.

365 Thank Yous: The Year a Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life

I've also realized that I need to trust my instincts a little more often. If I feel like I need to say something to someone, I'm going to say it. If I feel like something isn't quite right with a situation, then I'm going to do something about it. Ignoring my instincts has always led to trouble, and life is too short to keep things inside.

So, do you make resolutions? Anything you want in the coming year?

Woo Hoo Weight Watchers!

Weight Watchers has once again proven why they are the leaders in the healthy weight industry with their new program! Points Plus was unveiled today and I attended an extra meeting just to get the scoop and get going! There couldn't be a better plan for someone who is a vegetarian! Why there is a focus on getting more protein it doesn't do what I feared and make you have more than you really need. Let's face it, the standard American diet has too much protein already. The very best part about the new plan is that now all fruits and nearly all vegetables are free!!!! What more could a veggie ask for? In just my first day on the new plan I can already tell I will be far more satisfied and hopefully I will kick the rest of this weight. Shockingly I weighed in the day after Thanksgiving and saw a .6 gain, but when I weighed in today I was down 1.8! That makes me 5.2 pounds from goal and I trust Points Plus to get me the rest of the way there in no time!

I got some good news about one of my classes that I'm struggling in and I got my Christmas decorations drug out of the closet and got the closet organized. With the exception of some unpleasant news in the evening I had a really great day.

Putting the Positive Vibes Out There

Thanksgiving has come and gone! We had a great meal complete with Tofurky. It was amazingly yummy and my oldest went back for a second huge slice. He loved it! The youngest didn't try any of it because when we went to the orthodontist on Wednesday they decided to go ahead and put his braces on. So, he wasn't feeling like eating much but mashed potatoes. He didn't seem to mind it very much though and he thinks he looks very cool with his braces on. I guess that's the good part about them putting braces on when you're a lot younger, your ego hasn't kicked in yet.

Friday I braved the scale after a week of being really bad and not tracking a bit. I managed to only put on six tenths of a pound, so I wasn't too mad at myself. It isn't just the holiday that caused me to be bad. Weight Watchers is releasing their new program tomorrow and so I've been slacking in anticipation of that. The leader at the Friday meeting is a vegetarian and he said that I will probably be happier with the new plan. I'm very excited and really hope I can kick my butt into gear and lose the rest of this weight.

Tonight I was reminded that along with this new plan, I have to focus on things that I want to happen. It isn't just about following this program, it's about visualizing the outcome. A very dear friend of mine was given an unused ticket to an event that he has always wanted to attend. The person who gave it to him had not been able to go, and knew that my friend would love to have the ticket because of how neat it looked and what it was for. After the other person left, he looked at me and said "I have always wanted to go to this. I'm going to put this ticket where I can see it. It's been added to my list and because I'm putting it out there, I will get to go." And you know what? I know he will. He makes a list every year of things he wants to do in the coming year and he usually gets to do most of them. A lot of them are out of his means, or seem a little far-fetched, and yet, they still happen in some way. I know that when I do that, it works for me too. I just have to remember to do it, and to really make sure that's where my focus is. It's hard to do when you have a big mess like I do right now, but I know it works and I'm going to give it a valiant effort!

What a Day!

Today was a little wild. Nothing terribly exciting happened, but I got a wild hair the other day to be crafty and so I ran all over town looking for the things I needed. I spent a good bit of time between thrift stores and Goodwill. I guess I never noticed, but t-shirts are not as cheap as you would expect in Goodwill. My favorite thrift store has the ones that you get from donating blood or running in a race or something for $1.50, but they were $3.50 in Goodwill! I'm going to be cutting them up, so I really don't want to pay very much for them. I'm going to ask friends and family to pass theirs on to me if they plan to donate, but I guess I'll really be looking at yard sales this summer.

During my travels I was sitting at a top sign and this old style mini-van passed me with the words "We're Hung" written across the side windows. I was a little confused and hoping for more information. I got it when they turned the corner and I saw "We're Men" written on the other side. I have to assume they were feeling a bit less than real men driving in a mini-van...or at least that's what I hope they were thinking when they wrote that!

On another note, on the way to school this morning my oldest was telling me that the supervising teacher of his club at school was asking them about what they were going to have for Thanksgiving dinner. My son told them that we were having Tofurkey, mashed potatoes, and Weight Watchers pumpkin pie (that is accurate, but it's not all we're having). I assume she was being funny, but she told him she was sorry. That sort of irritated me a little. Why be sorry that he's not having an antibiotic laden bird who likely lived and died in a horrible manner and a pie that tastes just as good, if not better, than a regular pumpkin pie? Thanksgiving does have it's typical menu, but there's no reason you can't enjoy all of the good foods prepared in a better way. Not to mention that my kids get a meal with me and with their dad so it's not like they're missing out on anything. I asked him if he was upset that we weren't having things that were totally traditional and he said "No, I like it that we're different." That's my boy!

Almost Thanksgiving

It's been forever since I've written anything here and I'm sorry. Life has just been a little nuts and I'm the queen of procrastination. I honestly cannot believe that Thursday is Thanksgiving! I wish I could say that I am excited about it, but I'm really not. I don't enjoy the holidays and look forward to them being over. I've followed the trend of posting something I'm grateful for on Facebook ever day this month just to remind myself not to be in a total funk until January 2nd. There are a lot of reasons I don't enjoy the holidays, but I'm not going to get into all of them here and bring everyone else down. Let's just say that this year, I'm in an exception funk.

But, since Thanksgiving is coming, like it or not, I have to prepare a meal of some sort. We've never been big turkey eaters, so that's not something anyone cares too much about giving up due to my new vegetarian lifestyle. I only cook for myself, my mother and my kids so no one really gets to bothered about what we have. If they want some meat, I'll fix something, but if not, that's fine with me. The oldest has only requested mashed potatoes and gravy, and the youngest wants cheese burritos. I did by a Tofurkey today just because. I have no idea what it will taste like, but I think it's funny to say it, which is why I bought it. I bought vegan gravy too. This could be one interesting Thanksgiving feast.

I'm still kind of stuck around the same weight. These last few pounds are proving to be a bugger to get off and I'm hoping the release of the new WW plan will jump start me into getting them off. I go to my doctor in two weeks. I'm not looking forward to it (who ever does) because I don't have any insurance now, but I'm down about 30 pounds since the last time I saw him so he will likely be very pleased.