When I was pregnant for the first time everyone told me that my life was getting ready to be insane. They told me how hard it was going to be to have this new baby and how I was never going to get any rest or any time to myself. Both were true of course. But, now that my children are older, I have to say that I think the baby part was a lot easier! Sure, they cried a lot and I couldn't figure out why and there were the diapers and constant sleeplessness, but when you sat them down somewhere, they generally stayed put.
Then came the walking, and then the talking. Now, it seems like there is a never ending stream of things to do. We have homework, field trips, golf, football, the list goes on. Don't get me wrong, I love it! I wouldn't change any of it for the world, but it seems like we never stop going!
Saturday we went to our farmer's market which we haven't been to in forever because we just never have the time. It was so nice to pick up some fresh local produce and have some delicious treats while we were there. Then it was off to two hours of football practice, followed by a quick lunch, then on to a local children's event that proved to be totally insane and not really worth the effort. Then we came home, got cleaned up and went off to golf.
Today I got a lot of things done which was good and now I'm looking on to the busy week ahead. Overall I think it will be a good week, with the exception of the car repairs I have scheduled for Tuesday. I've been having some problems with my car and I am just dreading the diagnosis of the problems and the bill to follow. I love having a car to get around in, but I do not love the repair bills!
The end of the week should be great though. My baby boy is turning eight on Sunday!! I seriously cannot believe it. I know everyone says that, but I really can't. I have friends who are having babies right now and it feels like that just happened to me. I still remember so much of the experience of having him and really truly thought I'd have more after him so it's a little sad that he's getting so big. It's also a little sad because now both of my kids can officially come out of their booster seats. I won't actually take them out, but they can. Both of them are still small enough that my seats don't fit them as well as I would like, so in my car and in their father's cars, they still use a booster. Call us paranoid...I don't care!
He's very excited of course and now I just have to figure out what I'm going to get him! I really want to find a toy golf cart. He is still really into playing with cars (which I love) and since he likes golf, I think that would be fun. No luck so far though. I also have to order a cake and figure out what else we are going to do! Then I get to repeat it all in a month when my first born turns 10!! EEEK!
I guess busy is good, it means I'm still alive!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
9/11 -Nine Years Later
Like most Americans today I have spent a little bit of time remembering where I was on September, 11th. My first born son was about to turn one-year-old and due to constant sleep deprivation we awoke after the first tower had been struck. The rest of the day was a total fog for me. I went about my daily routines but couldn't help but wonder what kind of world we would live in from now on. I wondered if I'd made a huge mistake by bringing my son into the world. I think this was a common thought around the country that day.
I have serious issues with anxiety. I worry way more than an average human being and I'm very thankful for the wonderful medications that exist to help people like me. I wasn't taking any such medication at the time however, and so for weeks after the event of 9/11 I obsessed over it. I watched every ounce of news coverage and read everything written about the day. I did this after watching the movie Titanic as well, and that had happened years ago. My obsession with the deaths of the people on that boat became consuming. The massacre at Columbine High School was by far the worst to date, including 9/11. There was something about that event that rocked me like no other of its kind. I needed to know everything about that day, those kids...everything. The last event I did this with was Hurricane Katrina. Since that I have gone on medication to deal with my paralyzing anxiety. But in addition to the medication, I've also learned that I cannot watch any coverage of these types of events on TV or read about them.
I guess that could be viewed as sticking my head in the sand, but I see it as preservation of my sanity. I read just enough to know what happened, and then that's it. My mind is simply not strong enough to handle it. Perhaps that's selfish given that so many people have lived through these things and I only watch them happen on TV. I'm sure that's true to some extent. But, I know how bad these things impact me, and I have two children who need me to have my wits about me every day, and I can promise you that during these events, I did not.
So my lack of attention and focus on the events of this day nine years ago does not mean that I don't care. It does not mean that I will ever forget what happened, or that I don't think about the victims. What it does mean is that I have moved on. I have learned how to process these awful things and see that our world is still a good place. I remember that we bonded together as a nation and that we joined with other nations who shared our grief. I also remember that people were born on this day, people got married on this day, the world did keep spinning and does continue to spin on 9/11 every year. While I remember those who lost their lives, I know that the only way we can honor their memory is to live our own lives. We can take the day to honor them and remember them, but we must live out the rest of our days looking for the good things in the world.
I no longer worry that I may have made a mistake by bringing children into this scary world. I don't live in fear anymore. I remember something a nurse told me once. She said, "This is the exception, not the rule". The horrors of our world sometimes seem like they are taking over, but if you stop and really look, you'll see that they are the exception and not the rule.
I have serious issues with anxiety. I worry way more than an average human being and I'm very thankful for the wonderful medications that exist to help people like me. I wasn't taking any such medication at the time however, and so for weeks after the event of 9/11 I obsessed over it. I watched every ounce of news coverage and read everything written about the day. I did this after watching the movie Titanic as well, and that had happened years ago. My obsession with the deaths of the people on that boat became consuming. The massacre at Columbine High School was by far the worst to date, including 9/11. There was something about that event that rocked me like no other of its kind. I needed to know everything about that day, those kids...everything. The last event I did this with was Hurricane Katrina. Since that I have gone on medication to deal with my paralyzing anxiety. But in addition to the medication, I've also learned that I cannot watch any coverage of these types of events on TV or read about them.
I guess that could be viewed as sticking my head in the sand, but I see it as preservation of my sanity. I read just enough to know what happened, and then that's it. My mind is simply not strong enough to handle it. Perhaps that's selfish given that so many people have lived through these things and I only watch them happen on TV. I'm sure that's true to some extent. But, I know how bad these things impact me, and I have two children who need me to have my wits about me every day, and I can promise you that during these events, I did not.
So my lack of attention and focus on the events of this day nine years ago does not mean that I don't care. It does not mean that I will ever forget what happened, or that I don't think about the victims. What it does mean is that I have moved on. I have learned how to process these awful things and see that our world is still a good place. I remember that we bonded together as a nation and that we joined with other nations who shared our grief. I also remember that people were born on this day, people got married on this day, the world did keep spinning and does continue to spin on 9/11 every year. While I remember those who lost their lives, I know that the only way we can honor their memory is to live our own lives. We can take the day to honor them and remember them, but we must live out the rest of our days looking for the good things in the world.
I no longer worry that I may have made a mistake by bringing children into this scary world. I don't live in fear anymore. I remember something a nurse told me once. She said, "This is the exception, not the rule". The horrors of our world sometimes seem like they are taking over, but if you stop and really look, you'll see that they are the exception and not the rule.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Worst Field Trip EVER!
I try to go on as many of my sons field trips as I can. This is partly because I know the teachers need help, and partly because I'm a very paranoid individual and I'm always afraid something will happen to one of them! The latter reason became a little more valid today when one of the students on the field trip was taken away by ambulance. The child was from a different school, but it made my paranoia worse!
That was just one part of the suckishness that was this trip. We went to our local fairgrounds for what was supposed to be some sort of farm safety/day in the life sort of thing. Luckily the weather was beautiful or it would have been even more miserable. Overall it might have been a nice experience but the organizers tried to cram entirely too much stuff into the day and so we were just herded around the grounds all day. We weren't able to spend much time anywhere and so the different presenters would often be in mid-presentation when we'd have to move on to the next stop. Most of the stops were very boring, and way over the heads of these fourth graders.
It was even more annoying to me for several reasons. There were several people there talking about animals and food related topics. The first stop we made dealt with chickens. One of the presenters was from George's poultry which is one of our largest poultry processors in the area. So here they are telling us about all the gear they have to wear into the chicken houses and showing us how they give the animals water. The whole time I'm fuming over the fact that these kids are being taught about the factory farming of chickens and not how they should live. Then they let the kids hold chicks. That wouldn't be so bad except there was no rhyme or reason to it so the kids were just manhandling them and I worried that all of those babies would be dead by the end of the day.
Fast forward through some other boring exhibits to the dairy exhibit. The farmer proceeded to tell us about all of the things the dairy cows eat...none of which were things any of them should eat. Then he quizzed the kids on what they should be eating. Thankfully my wonderful son looked at me and said "None of that is what they should be eating". If we'd had more time I would have asked him to repeat that to the farmer.
Then after a number of even more agonizing exhibits and lunch we were on to the Virginia Cooperative Extension's presentation on the food pyramid. I think most people, even non-vegetarians, would agree that the new pyramid is just insanely confusing. The lady did a pretty nice job of explaining it, but the old pyramid was more logical even if I didn't agree with it's breakdown. Aside from that, there were several other issues at this stop. There were two people there to present, but only one spoke. The one who spoke was quite overweight. She was certainly knowledgeable, but how can you speak to kids about good nutrition and exercise when it's clear you don't practice it? It's sort of like going to an overweight doctor (I'll post on that another time). In addition to that, it was clear that there was a very big slant toward the use of corn products. She spent most of the time talking about corn and where it could be found in our food. That's great...except she was making it sound like corn was this miracle food. Well, I enjoy some corn, but I don't enjoy the high fructose corn syrup that's in everything these days! So, I wasn't a huge fan of the way that presentation went.
There were a few good parts of the trip. The farrier was interesting and I learned a lot about horseshoeing from him. Of course, that just made me miss riding again. Overall though, this trip was a total bust. Both of us came home exhausted and with major headaches. I truly hope that they don't repeat this trip next year when my other child is in the fourth grade.
That was just one part of the suckishness that was this trip. We went to our local fairgrounds for what was supposed to be some sort of farm safety/day in the life sort of thing. Luckily the weather was beautiful or it would have been even more miserable. Overall it might have been a nice experience but the organizers tried to cram entirely too much stuff into the day and so we were just herded around the grounds all day. We weren't able to spend much time anywhere and so the different presenters would often be in mid-presentation when we'd have to move on to the next stop. Most of the stops were very boring, and way over the heads of these fourth graders.
It was even more annoying to me for several reasons. There were several people there talking about animals and food related topics. The first stop we made dealt with chickens. One of the presenters was from George's poultry which is one of our largest poultry processors in the area. So here they are telling us about all the gear they have to wear into the chicken houses and showing us how they give the animals water. The whole time I'm fuming over the fact that these kids are being taught about the factory farming of chickens and not how they should live. Then they let the kids hold chicks. That wouldn't be so bad except there was no rhyme or reason to it so the kids were just manhandling them and I worried that all of those babies would be dead by the end of the day.
Fast forward through some other boring exhibits to the dairy exhibit. The farmer proceeded to tell us about all of the things the dairy cows eat...none of which were things any of them should eat. Then he quizzed the kids on what they should be eating. Thankfully my wonderful son looked at me and said "None of that is what they should be eating". If we'd had more time I would have asked him to repeat that to the farmer.
Then after a number of even more agonizing exhibits and lunch we were on to the Virginia Cooperative Extension's presentation on the food pyramid. I think most people, even non-vegetarians, would agree that the new pyramid is just insanely confusing. The lady did a pretty nice job of explaining it, but the old pyramid was more logical even if I didn't agree with it's breakdown. Aside from that, there were several other issues at this stop. There were two people there to present, but only one spoke. The one who spoke was quite overweight. She was certainly knowledgeable, but how can you speak to kids about good nutrition and exercise when it's clear you don't practice it? It's sort of like going to an overweight doctor (I'll post on that another time). In addition to that, it was clear that there was a very big slant toward the use of corn products. She spent most of the time talking about corn and where it could be found in our food. That's great...except she was making it sound like corn was this miracle food. Well, I enjoy some corn, but I don't enjoy the high fructose corn syrup that's in everything these days! So, I wasn't a huge fan of the way that presentation went.
There were a few good parts of the trip. The farrier was interesting and I learned a lot about horseshoeing from him. Of course, that just made me miss riding again. Overall though, this trip was a total bust. Both of us came home exhausted and with major headaches. I truly hope that they don't repeat this trip next year when my other child is in the fourth grade.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Weight Loss = Change in Vision?
I'm not talking about eyesight here, I'm talking about how you view the world once you have lost weight. I've lost nearly 50 pounds (it would be 50 if I could get myself under control) and I've found that since I have lost weight my vision of the world has truly changed. This may or may not be a good thing.
Being aware of my own weight has always made me aware of the weight of others. I think we, women especially, look for others who we feel look like us. We want to size them up, see how we feel about the way they look, and therefore form an opinion about how we must look to other based on that. What I've found is that when I was heavier I had a very distorted view of how I looked. I thought I was thinner than I was, or that I carried it better than I did. That's probably why I stayed that way so long.
I do the same thing to some degree now, but I think it's a little bit healthier. Now that I have a better self-image I tend to look at other women and think "I could wear that", or "I'm as pretty as she is". It may still be a little nuts, but the self talk is at least healthier.
The problem I have now is that I'm far more aware of the unhealthy things others do, and in particular, the unhealthy things people do to their children. This weight loss has not been easy for me, so I'm not suggesting that it is easy for anyone else or that I'm somehow superior because I have taken steps to lose weight. I could easily start my old habits back up tomorrow and go right back to where I was. That's the reason I know I'll always have to stay with Weight Watchers. I have a problem, and I'm always going to need help with it. Getting help is fine, and more of us should ask for it.
But back to my new vision. My children have always been good eaters and I've always done my best to make sure they eat healthy. They've always eaten healthier than I have because I was afraid of them ending up fat like me. I make them eat even healthier now because I eat healthier and see the value in those foods more than I used to. They play football now and we've been to quite a few practices already. The amount of obesity is pretty astounding when so many people are gathered in one place. It's one thing to look at it in the adults, I can see myself in all of them. But, from my new perspective it is very painful to see it in the children. Because my children have a healthy father and because I was so careful to keep my bad habits from spilling over to them, I have healthy kids. The only person I was killing was myself.
It is much harder to look at when you see these people killing themselves and their kids. One boy on my sons team is a good six inches shorter than my eight year-old and outweighs him by twenty pounds. He's a sweet kid and cute as can be, but I can't help but have an anxiety attack over what is happening inside of that little body. I want to say that I'm not judging his parents, who are large as well, but I guess I am to some degree. I could have continued to kill myself with food and it wouldn't have hurt anyone else for a long time to any serious degree. But, if my habits were killing my kids and I didn't stop it how could I have lived with myself? An eight year-old boy cannot go shopping for himself and isn't likely to make the request for healthier food on his own. Not only that, he's not likely to take too kindly to being asked to eat green beans when the rest of his family is eating potato chips. Healthy kids start with healthy parents, and even though my kids were doing pretty good, I see how much better they are doing now.
I know all of this must sound horrible, but the internal dialogue isn't what you might think. I'm not mentally abusing them and calling them terrible parents. My brain is searching for ways to help them. I'm searching for ideas as to how to get one of the parties motivated to make a change in their life and the lives of their family members. Could I get through to the parents in some way? Could I get the children to get through to the parents?
So I guess losing weight has made me a judgmental person, but I hope that I can take that and turn it into something good. I hope that if my mouth ever opens it's only to share my story and offer suggestions of they're asked for. I hope any actions I take are just offerings of support and that people know that I've been there and want to help.
Being aware of my own weight has always made me aware of the weight of others. I think we, women especially, look for others who we feel look like us. We want to size them up, see how we feel about the way they look, and therefore form an opinion about how we must look to other based on that. What I've found is that when I was heavier I had a very distorted view of how I looked. I thought I was thinner than I was, or that I carried it better than I did. That's probably why I stayed that way so long.
I do the same thing to some degree now, but I think it's a little bit healthier. Now that I have a better self-image I tend to look at other women and think "I could wear that", or "I'm as pretty as she is". It may still be a little nuts, but the self talk is at least healthier.
The problem I have now is that I'm far more aware of the unhealthy things others do, and in particular, the unhealthy things people do to their children. This weight loss has not been easy for me, so I'm not suggesting that it is easy for anyone else or that I'm somehow superior because I have taken steps to lose weight. I could easily start my old habits back up tomorrow and go right back to where I was. That's the reason I know I'll always have to stay with Weight Watchers. I have a problem, and I'm always going to need help with it. Getting help is fine, and more of us should ask for it.
But back to my new vision. My children have always been good eaters and I've always done my best to make sure they eat healthy. They've always eaten healthier than I have because I was afraid of them ending up fat like me. I make them eat even healthier now because I eat healthier and see the value in those foods more than I used to. They play football now and we've been to quite a few practices already. The amount of obesity is pretty astounding when so many people are gathered in one place. It's one thing to look at it in the adults, I can see myself in all of them. But, from my new perspective it is very painful to see it in the children. Because my children have a healthy father and because I was so careful to keep my bad habits from spilling over to them, I have healthy kids. The only person I was killing was myself.
It is much harder to look at when you see these people killing themselves and their kids. One boy on my sons team is a good six inches shorter than my eight year-old and outweighs him by twenty pounds. He's a sweet kid and cute as can be, but I can't help but have an anxiety attack over what is happening inside of that little body. I want to say that I'm not judging his parents, who are large as well, but I guess I am to some degree. I could have continued to kill myself with food and it wouldn't have hurt anyone else for a long time to any serious degree. But, if my habits were killing my kids and I didn't stop it how could I have lived with myself? An eight year-old boy cannot go shopping for himself and isn't likely to make the request for healthier food on his own. Not only that, he's not likely to take too kindly to being asked to eat green beans when the rest of his family is eating potato chips. Healthy kids start with healthy parents, and even though my kids were doing pretty good, I see how much better they are doing now.
I know all of this must sound horrible, but the internal dialogue isn't what you might think. I'm not mentally abusing them and calling them terrible parents. My brain is searching for ways to help them. I'm searching for ideas as to how to get one of the parties motivated to make a change in their life and the lives of their family members. Could I get through to the parents in some way? Could I get the children to get through to the parents?
So I guess losing weight has made me a judgmental person, but I hope that I can take that and turn it into something good. I hope that if my mouth ever opens it's only to share my story and offer suggestions of they're asked for. I hope any actions I take are just offerings of support and that people know that I've been there and want to help.
Friday, September 3, 2010
This has been one of those weeks that you are happy to see end! When I worked a traditional job I looked forward to the weekend like everyone else. Now that I don't, it's still fun, but it doesn't have the same impact. Of course now I have the added stress of no money that comes with no job, but that's a whole different story. This week my part-time job required me to do something very time consuming, and very frustrating. It wasn't that big of a deal but on top of everything else I was feeling it just about caused me to go into a crying jag in the middle of Rite Aid.
I survived, it's Friday and I'm very happy to see the weekend! Today I have nothing on the agenda except lunch with my very best friend and I'm so excited about that. I love her like a sister, but our busy lives don't allow us much time together. So, I'm super excited to see her and catch up on her life.
I gained a little bit of weight again this week Grr! I worked out like a maniac and kept within my points, but I was still up and therefore farther away from the position I want with Weight Watchers. I think two things contributed to these gains. I could have been a little more careful on the diet. While I was within points, I had a lot of sodium. I also allowed myself to get my thyroid medication all screwed up so I didn't take it for a while and that might have something to do with it as well. My guy also pointed out that I really should be drinking more water and I totally know that to be true. I usually only drink water while I'm working out and the rest of the time it is diet soda. I'm addicted to diet soda like a smoker is to cigarettes and it's the one habit I still have that I would really love to break.
So, I'm going to do my very best to work on kicking my soda habit! Any suggestions?
Have a GREAT weekend!
I survived, it's Friday and I'm very happy to see the weekend! Today I have nothing on the agenda except lunch with my very best friend and I'm so excited about that. I love her like a sister, but our busy lives don't allow us much time together. So, I'm super excited to see her and catch up on her life.
I gained a little bit of weight again this week Grr! I worked out like a maniac and kept within my points, but I was still up and therefore farther away from the position I want with Weight Watchers. I think two things contributed to these gains. I could have been a little more careful on the diet. While I was within points, I had a lot of sodium. I also allowed myself to get my thyroid medication all screwed up so I didn't take it for a while and that might have something to do with it as well. My guy also pointed out that I really should be drinking more water and I totally know that to be true. I usually only drink water while I'm working out and the rest of the time it is diet soda. I'm addicted to diet soda like a smoker is to cigarettes and it's the one habit I still have that I would really love to break.
So, I'm going to do my very best to work on kicking my soda habit! Any suggestions?
Have a GREAT weekend!
Monday, August 30, 2010
I get enough protein. Do you get enough fiber?
I have a little button on my Facebook page that says something along those lines. Every time I tell someone I'm a vegetarian I know I'm either going to hear "How do you get protein?" or get the look. It amazes me that people don't realize that protein comes in many different forms and that it is quite easy to get what you need without meat in your diet. Not to mention that those forms of protein are so much healthier! I expect the question, and I'm fine with it, but sometimes it is a little irksome. Especially so when the person asking you has clearly had more than their fair share of protein over the years!
Now, perhaps if anyone reads this blog they can help me with "the look" that I get. It may have something to do with the area in which I live, but I get this look like people think I'm nuts. Vegetarians and vegans are everywhere, so why do I still get that look? Not everyone loves to eat steak! While I admit to enjoying meat in the past, I never liked steak and I never liked other meats so much that I couldn't live without them. My lifestyle is a choice. It's something I do for a variety of reasons and health is not first on that list. I remember a woman telling me should just couldn't live without eating ribs ever again and just didn't know how I could do it. Well, she doesn't have to live without them if she doesn't want to. I'm not asking her to do that. Do I wish she would choose them from a place that raised and killed the animals? Sure I do, but I know that might not happen. But it just sort of bugged me that she couldn't ever wrap her brain around the idea that I find other things to be more important than eating a big slab of meat!
I think the next time I get that look, I'm going to ask the person if they get enough fiber. Because based on that facial expression I'm thinking things might be a little backed up!
Now, perhaps if anyone reads this blog they can help me with "the look" that I get. It may have something to do with the area in which I live, but I get this look like people think I'm nuts. Vegetarians and vegans are everywhere, so why do I still get that look? Not everyone loves to eat steak! While I admit to enjoying meat in the past, I never liked steak and I never liked other meats so much that I couldn't live without them. My lifestyle is a choice. It's something I do for a variety of reasons and health is not first on that list. I remember a woman telling me should just couldn't live without eating ribs ever again and just didn't know how I could do it. Well, she doesn't have to live without them if she doesn't want to. I'm not asking her to do that. Do I wish she would choose them from a place that raised and killed the animals? Sure I do, but I know that might not happen. But it just sort of bugged me that she couldn't ever wrap her brain around the idea that I find other things to be more important than eating a big slab of meat!
I think the next time I get that look, I'm going to ask the person if they get enough fiber. Because based on that facial expression I'm thinking things might be a little backed up!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Life Update
Haven't posted in forever, so I thought I should do a quick update.
I'm enjoying being a vegetarian more and more as time goes on. It's a lot easier to find vegetarian options when dining out than I thought and I just feel so much better all over. I did make a rare exception the other day and paid for it. I have a friend whose wife makes the most AMAZING chicken salad that I have ever tasted. It's just beyond words. Well, I had the option to have some the other day and I just could not turn it down despite everything I feel about eating meat. Well, that was a mistake. The sandwich was as great as I thought it would be and I felt terrible for hours afterward. I guess it's like eating fried foods when you haven't done that in a long time either. So, I guess I can honestly say I'm a vegetarian now, because that won't be happening again.
School starts for the kids on the 24th and while I will miss them like crazy, I think it will be good for all of use to get back into that routine. I start again on the 30th and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm also nervous about all the work. I'm also considering taking a course at the community college to become a personal trainer. It's not something I would have ever considered in the past but now that I've lost almost fifty pounds it seems like something I could actually do. Now I just have to find the money for the course.
In even more personal news, I've started seeing someone. I'm not going to give any details at this point, but it's going very very well and I'm very happy.
I'm enjoying being a vegetarian more and more as time goes on. It's a lot easier to find vegetarian options when dining out than I thought and I just feel so much better all over. I did make a rare exception the other day and paid for it. I have a friend whose wife makes the most AMAZING chicken salad that I have ever tasted. It's just beyond words. Well, I had the option to have some the other day and I just could not turn it down despite everything I feel about eating meat. Well, that was a mistake. The sandwich was as great as I thought it would be and I felt terrible for hours afterward. I guess it's like eating fried foods when you haven't done that in a long time either. So, I guess I can honestly say I'm a vegetarian now, because that won't be happening again.
School starts for the kids on the 24th and while I will miss them like crazy, I think it will be good for all of use to get back into that routine. I start again on the 30th and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm also nervous about all the work. I'm also considering taking a course at the community college to become a personal trainer. It's not something I would have ever considered in the past but now that I've lost almost fifty pounds it seems like something I could actually do. Now I just have to find the money for the course.
In even more personal news, I've started seeing someone. I'm not going to give any details at this point, but it's going very very well and I'm very happy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)